Learning How to Carry On...

 Hello readers

Tonight is a Sunday night.  Something that I often like to do to close out my weekend and get ready for Monday is to play through some hymns.  I find that I usually need the recharge of my batteries that this provides.  Tonight was no exception.  As I played through the music of "Carry On", my mind wandered to my Grandpa Rose, who passed away almost two years ago come October.  One of my favorite things about him was that he liked to listen to me play the piano.  Tonight as I played, I felt his presence.  I also felt some of my other ancestors, almost as if they were gathered around me at the piano as I played.  After I had stopped and basked in that sweet feeling of my Grandpa's love, I started to think about the words of the hymn.  

Later, I looked up the words to the second verse in particular:

"We'll build on the rock they planted; a palace to the King.

Into its shining corridors, our songs of praise we'll bring.

For the heritage they left us, not of gold or worldly wealth,

But a blessing everlasting, of joy, and love, and health. 

And we hear the desert singing 'Carry on, carry on, carry on!'

Hills and vales and mountains ringing. 'Carry on, carry on, carry on!'

Holding aloft our colors, we march in the glorious dawn.

O youth of the noble birthright, carry on, carry on, carry on!

So here are my few thoughts on this text.  We are in a difficult time right now.  Lots of uncertainties and lots of uneasiness.  However, those that came before us lived through difficulties too.  Certainly some that must have cause immense pain and sadness beyond what we can comprehend.  Tonight I felt some of those voices that came before me, cheering me on, telling me "You can do this!"  "Hold up your colors and be who you are!"  "Be a light to others!"  "Look to the dawn of a better day!"  

This week, I will continue to try and count my blessings of joy and love and health.  I hope that we all can be a little more patient and kind to one another.  In times like these, we need to carry on.  More to come...

Thoughts in the Time of Rona

 Dear readers,

Since my last entry in January, which was optimistic and carefree, we are now in the midst of a world-wide pandemic that has changed all of our lives.  For my entry today I wanted to reflect on a quote from one of my favorite movies The Sound of Music:  "When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window."

Since Coronavirus has taken the world over and health and safety protocols restrict anything and everything we do in some way, I have lost the following:

- the ability to teach voice lessons in person

- being able to sing each week with my brothers and sisters in the Tabernacle Choir

- a lot of my drive to practice my singing and keyboard skills

- for a little while, even my sense of knowing who I am and what I am working for (without live music performance in my life, this got lost)

- my confidence in knowing that I know how to teach secondary level vocal music

Now you may be thinking, wow is he going crazy?  Has he lost the will to keep on going?  Will he be able to sustain this way of life we are all now subjected to?  Not to worry, I am not out of the woods yet, but I have been able to learn a few things along the way while it seemed like our whole lives were being changed permanently.  My sweet mother has always encouraged me to count my blessings, especially when you feel you are at your darkest moments.  So now I will attempt to list the things that I have gained from the experience of dealing with Coronavirus life:

- the ability and time to slow down, be still, and know that He is God

- the opportunity to develop some new talents and interests, primarily in visual arts

- the luxury of enjoying a beautiful comfortable home of my own that I can live in

- silence and solitude in abundance (two luxuries I prize highly in my busy life)

- new knowledge about and opportunity to ponder on simple gospel truths contained in the Book of Mormon

- the simple joy of being able to go ride a few good rollercoasters whenever I wanted (less possible now that school is starting yet again, but still not out of reach)

- the challenge of developing new facets and methods to my teaching toolbox, and sharpening my skills I worked so hard and paid so much to acquire

- more time to go share snuggles with my two beautiful nieces

- more time to nurture and cultivate my relationships with my family (I once received a fortune cookie that said "Your family is one of nature's masterpieces.", and I definitely agree)

- finally, much more opportunity to take hard looks in the mirror and make changes as I need to in order to become my best self for myself and also any potential partners in the future

I am so grateful for the knowledge that I possess about life and why we are here.  Businesses may shut down, laws may change, disease may run rampant, but love never ends.  Stay strong my friends.  We can get through this.  More to come...

Holding Up the Mirror

Hello readers (I used to call you constant 7 years ago when I last wrote in this blog, but obviously you are no longer that since you have had no opportunity to read).

Here we are, 7 years since my last entry on this blog.  LOTS has changed.  For those that are curious, here are some of the highlights about me (sort of a reintroduction to Max, if you will):

1.  I hold three degrees now, a Bachelor's and Master's degree in Vocal Performance and a Doctorate of Musical Arts in Vocal Pedagogy and Performance.

2.  I am now 36 years old, which still doesn't seem to match how young and inexperienced I usually feel.

3.  I am still single and still looking for my someone, but I have learned how to find joy in my many friendships and in my family relationships.

4.  Speaking of which, I now am uncle to two beautiful little nieces and they are the greatest joys in my life thus far.

5.  I am now a member of the Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square, which is another of my great joys.

6.  I have a good job teaching at DaVinci Academy in Ogden, Utah, which is nice because I am actually getting the opportunity to build my own program and use the skills I paid so much money to acquire.

7.  I am now able to utter the phrase "I don't know" with much more confidence, which is a gift I didn't truly understand before.

8.  I am starting to learn how to take things a little bit at a time.  Starting with this, writing in my blog again on a regular basis.


So there you are.  I am also starting to chronicle my journey on the road to feeling better in my own body.  This blog is a way to also do that.  To kick that off, I went to the gym and worked on using body weight exercises to work on my form for weight lifting.  I enjoyed it very much and I am using the mentality of making my fitness into a quest/game/challenge for myself and not limiting myself to one type of activity.  I enjoy a variety of activities, and I am just trying to do at least something each day.  Consistency is always a challenge for me, and something I intend to work on this year.

Anyway, here's to new beginnings!  I'm coming for you, 2020!!!

The Arm of the Flesh...

Hello again constant readers.  I again concede to the fact that I am a horrible blogger.  My posts usually only appear once every few months, if we're lucky.  However, I felt particularly inspired today to write about something that has been bothering me since I moved to Portland.  I am talking about the trend that is starting to happen within our world of people choosing to rely on outside sources other than the Spirit to give them an understanding of life.
Now I know what you are probably thinking:  What's wrong with seeking knowledge?  It's true, even President Gordon B. Hinckley said that we should seek knowledge out of the best books and become learned in the ways of our modern world.  That being said, I feel that many of my friends have unfortunately chosen to let the knowledge and philosophies of the world creep into their testimonies and knowledge that comes from a source that surpasses our own earthly understanding:  the Holy Spirit of the Lord.
What exactly do I mean by this?  I will try to illustrate with some examples from my own life.  I went through a period of about two years where I found myself in darkness, without my usual safety nets under me.  I felt angry and confused for a long time.  Because of this, I tried to drown out the existence of Heavenly Father and forget about the things that I had been taught all my life.  I tried to dismiss all the notions of spirituality that I had and what's worse, I tried to use the faults of the earthly organization of the Church, its members, and the overall culture of "Mormonism" to justify my actions.  However, as I tried to immerse myself in the doctrines, philosophies, and teachings of the world outside the Church and convince myself that my new found philosophies were making me happy, I discovered that it was all a lie.  Though I don't know why (and I don't suppose I ever will in this life), Heavenly Father still was present in my life and at the very back of my soul, there was still a flicker of the truth I had been running away from all along.  As I finally conceded to Him, and allowed the Holy Ghost to begin teaching me anew, I was able to find the peace that I was looking for.  The more we try to look for reasons to leave the light, the more the lamps of our testimonies burn out.  I found myself completely in the dark before I had an idea of how serious my situation had become.  In addition I have seen many of my friends, both here in Portland and in other places that I have lived who lose their way in favor of becoming more "enlightened" through studies of various philosophers, teachers, and other earthly authority figures outside of the Church, citing the need for "logic" and "explanations" for everything that happens in life.  So here is my plea to those of you, my dear friends and family, that may be struggling with your feelings about the Church, Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost, and the Plan of Salvation:  Look for your answers in prayer, meaningful scripture study, and the words of ancient and modern day prophets of the Lord.  But this is not all.  Most importantly: YOU MUST BE HUMBLE AND SILENT ENOUGH FOR THE SPIRIT TO TEACH YOU!  There will be many, many distractions in this modern world of ours that will lead you away from the Master Instructor, who is the Holy Ghost.  Ask Heavenly Father to help you feel His guidance in all of your struggles.  No matter how many philosophers you study or books on psychology you may read, there will be NO GREATER KNOWLEDGE than that which you can obtain from meaningful prayer, study, meditation, and communion with the Holy Ghost.  I challenge you, readers, to take time each time to quiet the noise around you.  Turn off the TV, the computer, the music, and all other earthly inventions.  Listen.  He will speak to you and if you let Him, He will teach you ALL things that you need to know and calm your anxieties about the things you don't need to know right now in this life.  And as always, if you need a friend to lend a listening ear, I am always here for you too.  You are a child of God and are entitled to receive the confirmations that you need about the details of why you are here on earth, what He would have you do, and what you need to do to be happy.  One last encouragement, dear friends:  IT IS 100% OKAY TO NOT HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS.  There are going to be many instances in your life where something devastating happens to you.  This is all part of the experience of being here on earth.  Do not let these instances shake what the Spirit has confirmed to you.  I recently had someone express to me that the phrase "unshakable testimony" didn't make a lot of sense to them because they felt that it is the "shaking" that helps us to grow.  I slightly disagree.  I close my post with this thought:  Your testimony can be unshakable if you do not let outside sources cloud your judgement on what the eternal principles of progression are.  The way we grow and learn is by bettering ourselves according to the guidelines set by our Heavenly Father.  These guidelines are not boundaries, but keys to unlock the chains of addiction, depression, wickedness, and self-loathing.  If we live within these guidelines, they will act as a shield to protect from the turbulence or "shaking" that life throws at us.  We can take comfort in the fact that no matter how crappy life gets, the nature of our Heavenly Father and his Kingdom remain constant.  That is what "unshakable" means.   Just try to not be happy as you truly discover these principles through the influence of the Holy Ghost.  I dare you.  More to come...

Musings on the Death of a Friend

Hello constant readers whomever you may be.  I've been putting off writing this post, because it is not something that I enjoy talking about, in fact, it is one of the hardest things to talk about.  In fact, before starting my writing today, I hesitated to give this post the title that first came to my mind.  But after reflecting for a few moments, I realized that there is no need to sugar coat it because the Lord has already done that for us in the best possible way.  So I unashamedly confront my emotions for all to see and hope that my words will be of comfort to someone.  My goal for this post is to type what I feel prompted to type.  Though I try to not to be too religious on my blog, I feel that in this instance I need to be, for my feelings on this subject are too tied up in my spiritual beliefs for any attempts at separation.   Yesterday was one of the worst days I had had in a long time.  Not only did I start off the day with financial problems, which I won't go into now, but I also found out that one of the most beautiful people that I have ever known passed away.  I admit that he and I were not best friends, but we knew each other well and I shared some very beautiful moments with him in my life.  That person was my friend Kristopher Jude King.  I couldn't believe the news.  This was one of those classic moments where you actually find yourself doubting the wisdom of Heavenly Father for a little bit.  I remember thinking, "Why?"  "Why would one of the most guileless, selfless, loving, and caring people be chosen to die at this the very prime of his life?"  My feelings of doubt didn't last long, however, as I realized that as soon as I had asked the question I had received the answer.  Kris died because Heavenly Father needed him to work by his side in the spirit world and he had accomplished everything that he needed to accomplish in this life.  Though I received the answer, I chose to attend a session at the temple that very afternoon so I could be reminded of the beauty of Heavenly Father's plan for us.  As I soaked in the glorious spirit that was present in the House of the Lord, I felt so grateful for the knowledge that I possess about the great plan of salvation.  Through the grace and kindness of our Heavenly Father, we can know for ourselves that we will be able to see our loved ones who have passed on again someday.  As I surrendered myself to the service of others in the temple yesterday, I was able to forget my own sorrows and feel better enough to carry on with my responsibilities.  Kris knew this too.  He lived his life in a way that I know was exemplary to our Heavenly Father and I know that he is happy now that he has returned to his heavenly home.  I only pray that it doesn't take an awakening like this to help remind me to ever be grateful for the tender mercies of the Lord.  The lesson I guess I wish to impress upon my readers is to never take a moment for granted.  This life is a blessing from our Heavenly Father and we never know when it will be time for us to go.  Kris's death came without warning, but he was prepared.  I hope that we will all take his example to heart and truly enjoy every moment of every day while we still can.  For in this way, we show our love to Heavenly Father and our older brother Jesus Christ for the beautiful world that they have given us to live in and be a part of.  In closing I share a poem written by church President Gordon B. Hinckley at the passing of his dear wife, Marjorie Pay Hinckley.  It has brought me comfort in many a dark time and I hope that all of my friends who knew Kris will take comfort in the Lord and in each other during this hard time that we have to be separated from our friend.  We'll see him again.  :)

What is this thing that men call death?
This quiet passing in the night?
'Tis not the end, but genesis
Of better worlds and greater light.

O God, touch Thou my aching heart
And calm my troubled, haunting fears.
Let hope and faith, transcendent, pure,
Give strength and peace beyond my tears.

There is no death, but only change,
With recompense for victory won
The gift of Him, who loved all men.
The Son of God, the Holy One.



Much love to you, my friends and family.  And Godspeed, my dear friend Kris.  Rest in peace until we meet again.

More to come....

Bones of contention...

Hello constant readers (whoever you may be).  I recently posted a status on my Facebook page that has caused quite a large discussion thread between some of my friends.  I admit, selfishly, that the main reason I wanted to post my opinion was to see what kinds of reactions I got.  Unfortunately, it seemed to blossom into the type of conversation that isn't my favorite, where certain individuals seem to see the opinions of others as a direct attack on their own beliefs.  I could be wrong in my perception, but I very much doubt it.  It is troubling to me that in our society today there seems to be a new obsession among us (this includes members of the Church) to point out what is wrong with the way others are living their lives and letting our emotions rule our decisions.  There have been two recent blog posts that have gone viral:  one entitled "Club Unicorn"; in which a married LDS man proclaims himself to be gay, in a heterosexual marriage, and perfectly happy with his life as a husband and father, with no desire to be with anyone else but his wife, claiming the reason why their sex life is so good is because of the level of spiritual intimacy they share as a couple.  The initial responses to this very public post have been very positive, with many LDS people on Facebook sharing the link to it on their walls with comments like:  "this guy has an AMAZING attitude" and "check out this cool story".  The second blog post is "An answer to Club Unicorn", written by a divorced LDS woman who was in a similar situation that did not work out so well.  In her case, she and her husband did not have a fulfilling sex life and the level of intimacy in their marriage was damaged because he felt he was not "being true" to himself and his sexual orientation.  She cites her ruined marriage as a warning to all that the "Club Unicorn" mentality may not be right for everybody.  The responses to this blog post were mostly from people in the openly homosexual community, saying things like "I wish all those Mormons posting the "Club Unicorn" link would also read this one".  So the big question I pose to both groups of people is:  "All right then.  Who is right on this issue?"   The answer is simple.  Both of them are right.  Here is my two cents on this whole issue:  Everyone, everywhere, throughout all generations of time and across different upbringings and cultures has had a plethora of different experiences that has woven them into the human tapestries that they are today.  It is absolutely ludicrous to expect everyone to conform to one way of thinking because everyone is different.  On both sides of this issue, I believe that each couple had to make decisions that worked for them, not anyone else.  I don't doubt that it is possible to be gay and be perfectly happy in a heterosexual marriage with children.  But I also point out that it is NOT the best option for all men who are homosexual.  The path that we all choose is a private matter between us and the Lord.  It is only when others directly infringe on our own ability to choose our own paths that we must stand up for what we believe in.  That being said, I DON'T BELIEVE that an infringement on our own rights occurs simply because someone is living their lives in a different way than we are.  On the same note, do not expect me to be your friend if you start waving a protest sign in my face telling me that I am a religious bigot because I do not agree with the homosexual lifestyle.  That is my opinion for my own personal life.  I guess the point of this long soapbox rant is that I am getting tired of all the bones of contention that we keep chewing on over this and similar issues.  Let's leave the judgement up to Heavenly Father and make sure that we are being true to ourselves and what the light of Christ tells us to do.  And those of us that do possess the fullness of the gospel simply have a responsibility to live good, exemplary lives, so as to attract those who are lost to further enlightenment and happiness.  I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and a worthy priesthood holder.  I am not ashamed of this and I am happy to answer any questions about my faith that you may have.  The true gospel of Jesus Christ is the way to a happy life and the way to help others recognize that is by being an example and being friendly enough to our brother and sisters so that they will feel comfortable choosing the right path for themselves, which they will have to do themselves in their own time.  Let us stop arguing over what is right for everyone and instead focus on bettering ourselves.  More to come...

A New Day Has Come...

Hello constant readers whoever you are.  It is time for another one of my sporadic posts because something wonderful is happening in my life.  I have found a very special person whom I like very much and who likes me back.  This has caused me to evaluate my life in ways that I haven't thought about before because now I am looking towards the future and what kind of future we could possibly have together.  The only frustrating thing about it is....she is currently living in Utah while I am still finishing school here in Oregon for my Master's degree.  This has done two things:  1.  It has taught me the meaning of the phrase "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."  Every day that has gone by since we saw each other last seems to get longer and longer.  I didn't want to leave her behind in Utah and return to Oregon.  2.  I have been thinking about all the aspects of my life and been trying to get rid of anything that would make her not comfortable with the idea of dating me.  Though there isn't much of that kind of garbage left in my life at this point, I feel that I am really starting to polish up my whole entire way of life and image and I find myself becoming a better man for her.
The really ironic thing about this whole situation is that we really don't know each other that well yet, but I am very happy that she is in my life.  And that is enough for me for now.  But I miss her and I hope that she misses me as much.  This is exciting and I wish I could give more details, but we are still in the embryonic stages of our relationship.  But I have a feeling that this could be really something special.  More to come...