A touchy subject...

Hello readers.

Today I wanted to record my feelings about a subject that is very personal to me. For purposes of this discussion, I'll call this post "How to Deal With Conflicting Feelings When a Loved One Chooses a Path Different From Your Own".

The reason why this subject is so personal to me is because I have been on both sides of this issue. During the time in my life when I was pretty much miserable 24/7 because I was not happy with my own choices, my parents, siblings, and other important people in my life had to deal directly with this. Now I find myself on the opposite side of the fence. I will not be naming any names or citing any specific examples because it is not any of my business to do so and I do not condone the concept of gossiping in any way, shape, or form. However, there are some general issues I wish to discuss in order of importance:

1. The principle of loving the person for who they are at their basic core. Unfortunately many "devout" members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints completely overlook this fact. Instead of reaching out with love and maintaining the same healthy relationship with the person in question, they instead react with disgust and isolation. This does two things: One, it teaches the person that they are no longer worth any time, consideration, or basic respect. And two, it creates a terrible image of Christianity that will make it difficult for that person to keep their faith at all. Perhaps this is why so many who have been treated this way turn to alcohol, sexual encounters, and other forms of self-abuse to try and "cover up" these hurt feelings.

2. The principle of knowing yourself well enough that you know what YOUR particular boundaries are. This is one of the most simple truths we can look at. If we don't approve of some particular action, there is nothing that says that WE have to participate in those actions simply because we don't condemn the people who are choosing to live their life a certain way. To each his own. Even in our closest relationships, it is impossible to truly know every single experience, hardship, miracle, or opinion that we each have individually. So don't put on the judge's robe; you do NOT have all the facts and you never will.

3. Take responsibility for your own actions. We are all human. We all screw up at some point or another. What defines what kind of a person we are is what we do when we make mistakes. If you have wronged or offended someone, remember that that person is a precious son or daughter of God, no matter what their appearance or lifestyle may be. This fact alone means that they deserve to be treated as a human being with feelings. That being said, however, you don't have to be a doormat either. If there is a person in your life that is hurting you, be honest with them and let them know what they are doing to you. Maybe they aren't even aware of what they are doing.

In short, constant readers, I beg and plead with you to think about what you do and say to those who may be struggling with their own testimony of a loving Heavenly Father and a Savior who died for all of us. All we can do is love them, let's leave the final judgement up to our everloving Father in Heaven. More to come...

Into the Light...

Dear friends and family who follow this blog: I have a wonderful experience to share and I've already shared it with many of you on Facebook. I don't why this experience happened to me at this stage in my life, but I am so grateful and feel so blessed that it did. Maybe Heavenly Father was so tired of seeing me so miserable more often than I was happy that he decided to intervene. Whatever the reason, my life has been changed. Ever since my falling away from the church when I had to leave BYU-Idaho, and even before then, I have struggled with feelings of self-loathing. Though I looked and acted confident on the outside, I really hated myself. I didn't see myself as being worth anyone's immediate attention, let alone worthy enough to deserve a beautiful eternal companion. My falling away from the truth only confirmed this. After I discovered that I was even more miserable trying to live outside of the gospel, I returned and went through the necessary steps of repentance. Though I eventually came back into fellowship with my ward and began serving in the church again, I still struggled with these feelings of not trusting myself and not believing 100% that Heavenly Father really loved me. After spending a hard first semester in Portland and returning home for a wonderful Christmas with my beloved family, it was time to return again to Portland where again I had no prospects for work or the means to support myself. I had less than 200 dollars to my name and I owed my roommate about 1,200 dollars in back rent and utility payments. Then on the Tuesday I got back from school I found out that my car was going to cost another 750 dollars to fix the rear brake pads and rotors. This forced me to open up another line of credit because I could not pay for the repairs any other way. Destitute, I was on the point of calling my mom and dad and informing them that I wanted to move home, quit school and find a job in the Boise area that was more permanent and steady than my crazy music career had ever been. For some reason, I fell on my knees instead. My prayer habits had been in great disrepair as of late, since I figured that Heavenly Father didn't really care all that much for me anyway, but this time I poured out my heart and soul. I cried uncontrollably while I was praying and was grateful later that my roommate Ryan was out of the apartment because I was being VERY vocal and VERY loud. I remember I kept on pleading and pleading with Heavenly Father to do SOMETHING to make it all okay, I didn't know what, but please do SOMETHING for me. When I got up, I had the very distinct impression that I needed to pay my roommate Ryan all the money that I owed him. Right then. In full. This scared me because as I said before, I only had about 200 dollars in my account and at that time I owed him about 1200 in total. Again, I had the impression, "You need to pay Ryan." So I smiled through my wet eyes and snotty nose and got out my checkbook. As I wrote those checks, I had a wonderful feeling come into my heart that if I try to put into words went something like this: "I love you so much. Do you have any idea how much I've missed you? I will always take care of you, all you have to do is come to me. You deserve a good life, enjoy life, don't be afraid of it." Since that day, a mighty change has come over me. The petty temptations that I have struggled with for so so long in my life are becoming less and less difficult to deal with. I finally have hope for the first time in a long time that someday I will marry a wonderful woman and be sealed in the temple, and most importantly, that someday I will be a father. I still have a long way to go, but I feel like I have overcome a very big obstacle in my life. Where there was darkness, my life is starting to let in a glorious light. I now have been praying twice a day at least, without fail, sometimes more if I need to ask for a certain blessing. But I have a strong testimony now that Heavenly Father really does KNOW US INDIVIDUALLY and that HE LOVES US SO MUCH! To end I write the verses of one of my favorite primary songs and testify to all those reading these words that this song is one of the most basic truths that is so important for us to understand. We are never alone, we just need to come to Him, He is waiting, with His arms stretched wide.

I am a child of God and He has sent me here,
has given me an earthly home, with parents kind and dear.

I am a child of God and so, my needs are great.
Help me to understand His words, before it grows too late.

I am a child of God. Rich blessings are in store.
If I but learn to do His will, I'll live with Him once more.

(and this is my favorite verse, though it is not often sung:)
I am a child of God. His promises are sure.
Celestial glory shall be mine, if I can but endure.

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do to live with Him someday.


Don't give up. You are loved. :) More to come...

New Year's Reflections 2012

Happy 2012 everyone! It's been a wonderful 365 days for me and I hope it has been for you too. I continue to be amazed at the way life keeps on teaching me things. Just when I think I have a handle on my life I find new and unexpected surprises along the way. I love the fact that I can keep on learning and growing in new and exciting ways each year. So to recap 2011 here are the breakdown of months and what I got to do:

January: Sang my first title role in USU's production of Giulio Cesare, and was able to start serving in my student ward in a calling again. :)
February: Managed to make it through Valentine's Day without massacre-ing anyone, thanks to some wonderful friends in Logan.
March: Had a fun St. Paddy's day and made it through the evil Logan weather.
April: Lots of singing! Sang the role of Papageno in USU's production of The Magic Flute and sang with the Chamber Singers in a concert of 70's music. Groovy!
May: Presented my senior recital "Portrait of the Musician as a Young Man" and graduated with my Bachelor's in Vocal Performance from USU. Yay!
June: Began my second summer with Utah Festival Opera, rehearsing for five shows.
July: Performed with UFO and competed in the Michael Ballam Concorso Lirico Vocal Competition.
August: Was the best man for my brother Wyn's wedding to Andrea Decker and moved to Portland, Oregon to start my new life as a Master's student at Portland State University.
September: Learned lots of lessons in humility while searching for a job in the Portland area.
November: Sang for the Royal Rosarian's Centennial Celebration in Portland and had an awesome Thanksgiving with my whole family.
December: Performed as Zurga in two scenes from Bizet's The Pearl Fishers at PSU and was assigned the role of Le Marquis de la Force in PSU's upcoming production of Dialogues of the Carmelites before going home to a wonderful Christmas and New Year's with family.

It's the little things in life that make it worth living. May you all have a happy and blessed year this year and let us all remember the reason why we are all here in the first place. As the motto from my mission (The Great Florida Ft. Lauderdale Mission) states: Obedience is the price, faith is the motive, the Spirit is the key, and Christ is the reason. Obedience rules the Spirit, and the Spirit rules the work. As we work to better ourselves each day, I hope we can all remember to be like Christ while doing so and most importantly FIND JOY IN THE JOURNEY. Life is to enjoy, so let's do so in 2012! More to come...

Where does the time go?!

Hello everyone. I have not written in a long time, and for that, I apologize. I will try to be better. My life is fantastic as of late and I really am having a great time. I am now living in Portland, in a beautiful condo with an awesome roommate who is not just studying to be a doctor, but who is an ACTUAL doctor, like an actual MD. It's fun living in a more grown-up place. Portland Oregon may also be one of the most beautiful places to live in the whole world. It is so lush and green and full of creative energy. Everyone here is very artistically minded and I love the atmosphere. I am the organist in the ward I am attending and having a great time getting to know some new friends here and there. I've started a new blog (check it out at operawithmax.blogspot.com) and I am still progressing towards receiving my Master's degree. I am a lucky man to have all these blessings in my life and they just keep getting better and better. More to come...

Hold please...

Hello again. After much time has yet again passed from my last entry in my personal blog, I shall here make another effort to illustrate my life for those who find it interesting. I am having a great second season with UFOMT (formerly Utah Festival Opera) and am grateful for the blessings I currently enjoy in my life. However, I am worried. When will I actually begin to know where my life is going to go from hereon out? The other day I received a disturbing email saying that my diploma is being held because the university thinks I owe it $1,000, which is not true or accurate by even the farthest stretch of financial reasoning. Also, I have no idea where I am going to live, work or how I'm going to be able to support myself in the next phase of my life. I know that all things are supposed to be in the Lord's time and I need some help here. I am slowly learning that I need to depend more on my Heavenly Father to guide me because I sure as heck have no idea how it will all work out in the end. And that scares me a little, because I am so used to doing everything by myself. All I can do is pray and wait for some inspiration because it seems like everything I've tried to do on my own has been wrong. When will my life actually begin to make sense? Not sure but still holding on to my optimism. More to come...

Reflections on Graduation!

I have three very important words to say: I DID IT! The light at the end of the tunnel has finally been reached and I have completed everything I needed to to receive my Bachelor's Degree in Vocal Performance. What makes it feel even better is that I literally had the week from hell during finals and accomplished a great many things including singing a fantastically successful senior recital, which I am actually planning on posting up on YouTube soon. Now all I have to look forward to is a great season with Utah Festival Opera and Musical Theater with some of my best friends and saving up for the big move to Portland in September to start my Master's Degree. It is a very exciting time in my life. I'm so grateful for the wonderful experience that Utah State has been for me and look forward to doing great things in my career as a musician. This is the first step on a long journey, but I am finally learning to enjoy where I am at instead of always dreaming of things to come. More updates coming soon...

Confessions of a doormat...

Blogs can be very therapeutic. In a way, it's almost like holding a mirror in front of your life so you can observe from a logical standpoint all the thoughts that are constantly swimming around in your head like fish in a bowl. At the present, there are many things in my life that are going very well. I'm back in full fellowship in the church, still not able to go to the temple or use my priesthood, but now I have a calling as a ward organist and am able to pay tithing, go home teaching and fully contribute as a member of the ward. I had a successful audition for grad school at Portland State University and have another one coming up at Florida State University. I sang a successful production of "Giulio Cesare" (my first time in a title role, exciting!) and I finally have a new computer, courtesy of my wonderful amazing daddy. Hey I do have a lot to be thankful for! However, I do wish to get out a few things that have been bothering me. Lately, I've felt that even though I am constantly in the spotlight as an example in the department to all my friends and peers, there doesn't seem to be anyone in my life right now that has stopped to ask the question: Max, what do you need? How can I help? How can I make you feel appreciated and needed?
Now, you're probably thinking: He's completely nuts. He's got scholarship money, gets all the lead roles, and has lots of friends and is getting a good education. It's not something that I can fully explain. But all I can say is, it's hard being Max Moreno. It's difficult going around and fixing everyone else's problems. This is so strange, but lately I get the feeling that although I am recognized for what I can do musically, that I don't feel recognized as a person. Just because I am able to give out sarcastic remarks and witty observations, does not mean I am totally devoid of feeling. The truth is, when I'm with my friends, a lot of times I feel like I just fade into the background. And what's scary is I'm not sure what to do about it. There's a certain friend in particular that I wish I could say this to, but I don't want to give him another thing to worry about. And I'm not even that worried about it myself, it just kind of bothers me, sort of like the wart on my right thumb. It's not something that's pleasant, but it doesn't inhibit me from doing my daily duties either. It would just be nice to have someone tell me that my opinion matters, that even though I am older than the general populace at Utah State, I know a lot about life. I just need someone to reaffirm this to me. And that's what I hate most of all, because I don't like it when people ask me to do the same thing for them. This post is too long and I don't know how else to phrase this. More to come...