Learning How to Carry On...

 Hello readers

Tonight is a Sunday night.  Something that I often like to do to close out my weekend and get ready for Monday is to play through some hymns.  I find that I usually need the recharge of my batteries that this provides.  Tonight was no exception.  As I played through the music of "Carry On", my mind wandered to my Grandpa Rose, who passed away almost two years ago come October.  One of my favorite things about him was that he liked to listen to me play the piano.  Tonight as I played, I felt his presence.  I also felt some of my other ancestors, almost as if they were gathered around me at the piano as I played.  After I had stopped and basked in that sweet feeling of my Grandpa's love, I started to think about the words of the hymn.  

Later, I looked up the words to the second verse in particular:

"We'll build on the rock they planted; a palace to the King.

Into its shining corridors, our songs of praise we'll bring.

For the heritage they left us, not of gold or worldly wealth,

But a blessing everlasting, of joy, and love, and health. 

And we hear the desert singing 'Carry on, carry on, carry on!'

Hills and vales and mountains ringing. 'Carry on, carry on, carry on!'

Holding aloft our colors, we march in the glorious dawn.

O youth of the noble birthright, carry on, carry on, carry on!

So here are my few thoughts on this text.  We are in a difficult time right now.  Lots of uncertainties and lots of uneasiness.  However, those that came before us lived through difficulties too.  Certainly some that must have cause immense pain and sadness beyond what we can comprehend.  Tonight I felt some of those voices that came before me, cheering me on, telling me "You can do this!"  "Hold up your colors and be who you are!"  "Be a light to others!"  "Look to the dawn of a better day!"  

This week, I will continue to try and count my blessings of joy and love and health.  I hope that we all can be a little more patient and kind to one another.  In times like these, we need to carry on.  More to come...

Thoughts in the Time of Rona

 Dear readers,

Since my last entry in January, which was optimistic and carefree, we are now in the midst of a world-wide pandemic that has changed all of our lives.  For my entry today I wanted to reflect on a quote from one of my favorite movies The Sound of Music:  "When the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window."

Since Coronavirus has taken the world over and health and safety protocols restrict anything and everything we do in some way, I have lost the following:

- the ability to teach voice lessons in person

- being able to sing each week with my brothers and sisters in the Tabernacle Choir

- a lot of my drive to practice my singing and keyboard skills

- for a little while, even my sense of knowing who I am and what I am working for (without live music performance in my life, this got lost)

- my confidence in knowing that I know how to teach secondary level vocal music

Now you may be thinking, wow is he going crazy?  Has he lost the will to keep on going?  Will he be able to sustain this way of life we are all now subjected to?  Not to worry, I am not out of the woods yet, but I have been able to learn a few things along the way while it seemed like our whole lives were being changed permanently.  My sweet mother has always encouraged me to count my blessings, especially when you feel you are at your darkest moments.  So now I will attempt to list the things that I have gained from the experience of dealing with Coronavirus life:

- the ability and time to slow down, be still, and know that He is God

- the opportunity to develop some new talents and interests, primarily in visual arts

- the luxury of enjoying a beautiful comfortable home of my own that I can live in

- silence and solitude in abundance (two luxuries I prize highly in my busy life)

- new knowledge about and opportunity to ponder on simple gospel truths contained in the Book of Mormon

- the simple joy of being able to go ride a few good rollercoasters whenever I wanted (less possible now that school is starting yet again, but still not out of reach)

- the challenge of developing new facets and methods to my teaching toolbox, and sharpening my skills I worked so hard and paid so much to acquire

- more time to go share snuggles with my two beautiful nieces

- more time to nurture and cultivate my relationships with my family (I once received a fortune cookie that said "Your family is one of nature's masterpieces.", and I definitely agree)

- finally, much more opportunity to take hard looks in the mirror and make changes as I need to in order to become my best self for myself and also any potential partners in the future

I am so grateful for the knowledge that I possess about life and why we are here.  Businesses may shut down, laws may change, disease may run rampant, but love never ends.  Stay strong my friends.  We can get through this.  More to come...

Holding Up the Mirror

Hello readers (I used to call you constant 7 years ago when I last wrote in this blog, but obviously you are no longer that since you have had no opportunity to read).

Here we are, 7 years since my last entry on this blog.  LOTS has changed.  For those that are curious, here are some of the highlights about me (sort of a reintroduction to Max, if you will):

1.  I hold three degrees now, a Bachelor's and Master's degree in Vocal Performance and a Doctorate of Musical Arts in Vocal Pedagogy and Performance.

2.  I am now 36 years old, which still doesn't seem to match how young and inexperienced I usually feel.

3.  I am still single and still looking for my someone, but I have learned how to find joy in my many friendships and in my family relationships.

4.  Speaking of which, I now am uncle to two beautiful little nieces and they are the greatest joys in my life thus far.

5.  I am now a member of the Tabernacle Choir at Temple Square, which is another of my great joys.

6.  I have a good job teaching at DaVinci Academy in Ogden, Utah, which is nice because I am actually getting the opportunity to build my own program and use the skills I paid so much money to acquire.

7.  I am now able to utter the phrase "I don't know" with much more confidence, which is a gift I didn't truly understand before.

8.  I am starting to learn how to take things a little bit at a time.  Starting with this, writing in my blog again on a regular basis.


So there you are.  I am also starting to chronicle my journey on the road to feeling better in my own body.  This blog is a way to also do that.  To kick that off, I went to the gym and worked on using body weight exercises to work on my form for weight lifting.  I enjoyed it very much and I am using the mentality of making my fitness into a quest/game/challenge for myself and not limiting myself to one type of activity.  I enjoy a variety of activities, and I am just trying to do at least something each day.  Consistency is always a challenge for me, and something I intend to work on this year.

Anyway, here's to new beginnings!  I'm coming for you, 2020!!!

The Arm of the Flesh...

Hello again constant readers.  I again concede to the fact that I am a horrible blogger.  My posts usually only appear once every few months, if we're lucky.  However, I felt particularly inspired today to write about something that has been bothering me since I moved to Portland.  I am talking about the trend that is starting to happen within our world of people choosing to rely on outside sources other than the Spirit to give them an understanding of life.
Now I know what you are probably thinking:  What's wrong with seeking knowledge?  It's true, even President Gordon B. Hinckley said that we should seek knowledge out of the best books and become learned in the ways of our modern world.  That being said, I feel that many of my friends have unfortunately chosen to let the knowledge and philosophies of the world creep into their testimonies and knowledge that comes from a source that surpasses our own earthly understanding:  the Holy Spirit of the Lord.
What exactly do I mean by this?  I will try to illustrate with some examples from my own life.  I went through a period of about two years where I found myself in darkness, without my usual safety nets under me.  I felt angry and confused for a long time.  Because of this, I tried to drown out the existence of Heavenly Father and forget about the things that I had been taught all my life.  I tried to dismiss all the notions of spirituality that I had and what's worse, I tried to use the faults of the earthly organization of the Church, its members, and the overall culture of "Mormonism" to justify my actions.  However, as I tried to immerse myself in the doctrines, philosophies, and teachings of the world outside the Church and convince myself that my new found philosophies were making me happy, I discovered that it was all a lie.  Though I don't know why (and I don't suppose I ever will in this life), Heavenly Father still was present in my life and at the very back of my soul, there was still a flicker of the truth I had been running away from all along.  As I finally conceded to Him, and allowed the Holy Ghost to begin teaching me anew, I was able to find the peace that I was looking for.  The more we try to look for reasons to leave the light, the more the lamps of our testimonies burn out.  I found myself completely in the dark before I had an idea of how serious my situation had become.  In addition I have seen many of my friends, both here in Portland and in other places that I have lived who lose their way in favor of becoming more "enlightened" through studies of various philosophers, teachers, and other earthly authority figures outside of the Church, citing the need for "logic" and "explanations" for everything that happens in life.  So here is my plea to those of you, my dear friends and family, that may be struggling with your feelings about the Church, Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, the Holy Ghost, and the Plan of Salvation:  Look for your answers in prayer, meaningful scripture study, and the words of ancient and modern day prophets of the Lord.  But this is not all.  Most importantly: YOU MUST BE HUMBLE AND SILENT ENOUGH FOR THE SPIRIT TO TEACH YOU!  There will be many, many distractions in this modern world of ours that will lead you away from the Master Instructor, who is the Holy Ghost.  Ask Heavenly Father to help you feel His guidance in all of your struggles.  No matter how many philosophers you study or books on psychology you may read, there will be NO GREATER KNOWLEDGE than that which you can obtain from meaningful prayer, study, meditation, and communion with the Holy Ghost.  I challenge you, readers, to take time each time to quiet the noise around you.  Turn off the TV, the computer, the music, and all other earthly inventions.  Listen.  He will speak to you and if you let Him, He will teach you ALL things that you need to know and calm your anxieties about the things you don't need to know right now in this life.  And as always, if you need a friend to lend a listening ear, I am always here for you too.  You are a child of God and are entitled to receive the confirmations that you need about the details of why you are here on earth, what He would have you do, and what you need to do to be happy.  One last encouragement, dear friends:  IT IS 100% OKAY TO NOT HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS.  There are going to be many instances in your life where something devastating happens to you.  This is all part of the experience of being here on earth.  Do not let these instances shake what the Spirit has confirmed to you.  I recently had someone express to me that the phrase "unshakable testimony" didn't make a lot of sense to them because they felt that it is the "shaking" that helps us to grow.  I slightly disagree.  I close my post with this thought:  Your testimony can be unshakable if you do not let outside sources cloud your judgement on what the eternal principles of progression are.  The way we grow and learn is by bettering ourselves according to the guidelines set by our Heavenly Father.  These guidelines are not boundaries, but keys to unlock the chains of addiction, depression, wickedness, and self-loathing.  If we live within these guidelines, they will act as a shield to protect from the turbulence or "shaking" that life throws at us.  We can take comfort in the fact that no matter how crappy life gets, the nature of our Heavenly Father and his Kingdom remain constant.  That is what "unshakable" means.   Just try to not be happy as you truly discover these principles through the influence of the Holy Ghost.  I dare you.  More to come...

Musings on the Death of a Friend

Hello constant readers whomever you may be.  I've been putting off writing this post, because it is not something that I enjoy talking about, in fact, it is one of the hardest things to talk about.  In fact, before starting my writing today, I hesitated to give this post the title that first came to my mind.  But after reflecting for a few moments, I realized that there is no need to sugar coat it because the Lord has already done that for us in the best possible way.  So I unashamedly confront my emotions for all to see and hope that my words will be of comfort to someone.  My goal for this post is to type what I feel prompted to type.  Though I try to not to be too religious on my blog, I feel that in this instance I need to be, for my feelings on this subject are too tied up in my spiritual beliefs for any attempts at separation.   Yesterday was one of the worst days I had had in a long time.  Not only did I start off the day with financial problems, which I won't go into now, but I also found out that one of the most beautiful people that I have ever known passed away.  I admit that he and I were not best friends, but we knew each other well and I shared some very beautiful moments with him in my life.  That person was my friend Kristopher Jude King.  I couldn't believe the news.  This was one of those classic moments where you actually find yourself doubting the wisdom of Heavenly Father for a little bit.  I remember thinking, "Why?"  "Why would one of the most guileless, selfless, loving, and caring people be chosen to die at this the very prime of his life?"  My feelings of doubt didn't last long, however, as I realized that as soon as I had asked the question I had received the answer.  Kris died because Heavenly Father needed him to work by his side in the spirit world and he had accomplished everything that he needed to accomplish in this life.  Though I received the answer, I chose to attend a session at the temple that very afternoon so I could be reminded of the beauty of Heavenly Father's plan for us.  As I soaked in the glorious spirit that was present in the House of the Lord, I felt so grateful for the knowledge that I possess about the great plan of salvation.  Through the grace and kindness of our Heavenly Father, we can know for ourselves that we will be able to see our loved ones who have passed on again someday.  As I surrendered myself to the service of others in the temple yesterday, I was able to forget my own sorrows and feel better enough to carry on with my responsibilities.  Kris knew this too.  He lived his life in a way that I know was exemplary to our Heavenly Father and I know that he is happy now that he has returned to his heavenly home.  I only pray that it doesn't take an awakening like this to help remind me to ever be grateful for the tender mercies of the Lord.  The lesson I guess I wish to impress upon my readers is to never take a moment for granted.  This life is a blessing from our Heavenly Father and we never know when it will be time for us to go.  Kris's death came without warning, but he was prepared.  I hope that we will all take his example to heart and truly enjoy every moment of every day while we still can.  For in this way, we show our love to Heavenly Father and our older brother Jesus Christ for the beautiful world that they have given us to live in and be a part of.  In closing I share a poem written by church President Gordon B. Hinckley at the passing of his dear wife, Marjorie Pay Hinckley.  It has brought me comfort in many a dark time and I hope that all of my friends who knew Kris will take comfort in the Lord and in each other during this hard time that we have to be separated from our friend.  We'll see him again.  :)

What is this thing that men call death?
This quiet passing in the night?
'Tis not the end, but genesis
Of better worlds and greater light.

O God, touch Thou my aching heart
And calm my troubled, haunting fears.
Let hope and faith, transcendent, pure,
Give strength and peace beyond my tears.

There is no death, but only change,
With recompense for victory won
The gift of Him, who loved all men.
The Son of God, the Holy One.



Much love to you, my friends and family.  And Godspeed, my dear friend Kris.  Rest in peace until we meet again.

More to come....

Bones of contention...

Hello constant readers (whoever you may be).  I recently posted a status on my Facebook page that has caused quite a large discussion thread between some of my friends.  I admit, selfishly, that the main reason I wanted to post my opinion was to see what kinds of reactions I got.  Unfortunately, it seemed to blossom into the type of conversation that isn't my favorite, where certain individuals seem to see the opinions of others as a direct attack on their own beliefs.  I could be wrong in my perception, but I very much doubt it.  It is troubling to me that in our society today there seems to be a new obsession among us (this includes members of the Church) to point out what is wrong with the way others are living their lives and letting our emotions rule our decisions.  There have been two recent blog posts that have gone viral:  one entitled "Club Unicorn"; in which a married LDS man proclaims himself to be gay, in a heterosexual marriage, and perfectly happy with his life as a husband and father, with no desire to be with anyone else but his wife, claiming the reason why their sex life is so good is because of the level of spiritual intimacy they share as a couple.  The initial responses to this very public post have been very positive, with many LDS people on Facebook sharing the link to it on their walls with comments like:  "this guy has an AMAZING attitude" and "check out this cool story".  The second blog post is "An answer to Club Unicorn", written by a divorced LDS woman who was in a similar situation that did not work out so well.  In her case, she and her husband did not have a fulfilling sex life and the level of intimacy in their marriage was damaged because he felt he was not "being true" to himself and his sexual orientation.  She cites her ruined marriage as a warning to all that the "Club Unicorn" mentality may not be right for everybody.  The responses to this blog post were mostly from people in the openly homosexual community, saying things like "I wish all those Mormons posting the "Club Unicorn" link would also read this one".  So the big question I pose to both groups of people is:  "All right then.  Who is right on this issue?"   The answer is simple.  Both of them are right.  Here is my two cents on this whole issue:  Everyone, everywhere, throughout all generations of time and across different upbringings and cultures has had a plethora of different experiences that has woven them into the human tapestries that they are today.  It is absolutely ludicrous to expect everyone to conform to one way of thinking because everyone is different.  On both sides of this issue, I believe that each couple had to make decisions that worked for them, not anyone else.  I don't doubt that it is possible to be gay and be perfectly happy in a heterosexual marriage with children.  But I also point out that it is NOT the best option for all men who are homosexual.  The path that we all choose is a private matter between us and the Lord.  It is only when others directly infringe on our own ability to choose our own paths that we must stand up for what we believe in.  That being said, I DON'T BELIEVE that an infringement on our own rights occurs simply because someone is living their lives in a different way than we are.  On the same note, do not expect me to be your friend if you start waving a protest sign in my face telling me that I am a religious bigot because I do not agree with the homosexual lifestyle.  That is my opinion for my own personal life.  I guess the point of this long soapbox rant is that I am getting tired of all the bones of contention that we keep chewing on over this and similar issues.  Let's leave the judgement up to Heavenly Father and make sure that we are being true to ourselves and what the light of Christ tells us to do.  And those of us that do possess the fullness of the gospel simply have a responsibility to live good, exemplary lives, so as to attract those who are lost to further enlightenment and happiness.  I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and a worthy priesthood holder.  I am not ashamed of this and I am happy to answer any questions about my faith that you may have.  The true gospel of Jesus Christ is the way to a happy life and the way to help others recognize that is by being an example and being friendly enough to our brother and sisters so that they will feel comfortable choosing the right path for themselves, which they will have to do themselves in their own time.  Let us stop arguing over what is right for everyone and instead focus on bettering ourselves.  More to come...

A New Day Has Come...

Hello constant readers whoever you are.  It is time for another one of my sporadic posts because something wonderful is happening in my life.  I have found a very special person whom I like very much and who likes me back.  This has caused me to evaluate my life in ways that I haven't thought about before because now I am looking towards the future and what kind of future we could possibly have together.  The only frustrating thing about it is....she is currently living in Utah while I am still finishing school here in Oregon for my Master's degree.  This has done two things:  1.  It has taught me the meaning of the phrase "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."  Every day that has gone by since we saw each other last seems to get longer and longer.  I didn't want to leave her behind in Utah and return to Oregon.  2.  I have been thinking about all the aspects of my life and been trying to get rid of anything that would make her not comfortable with the idea of dating me.  Though there isn't much of that kind of garbage left in my life at this point, I feel that I am really starting to polish up my whole entire way of life and image and I find myself becoming a better man for her.
The really ironic thing about this whole situation is that we really don't know each other that well yet, but I am very happy that she is in my life.  And that is enough for me for now.  But I miss her and I hope that she misses me as much.  This is exciting and I wish I could give more details, but we are still in the embryonic stages of our relationship.  But I have a feeling that this could be really something special.  More to come...

A touchy subject...

Hello readers.

Today I wanted to record my feelings about a subject that is very personal to me. For purposes of this discussion, I'll call this post "How to Deal With Conflicting Feelings When a Loved One Chooses a Path Different From Your Own".

The reason why this subject is so personal to me is because I have been on both sides of this issue. During the time in my life when I was pretty much miserable 24/7 because I was not happy with my own choices, my parents, siblings, and other important people in my life had to deal directly with this. Now I find myself on the opposite side of the fence. I will not be naming any names or citing any specific examples because it is not any of my business to do so and I do not condone the concept of gossiping in any way, shape, or form. However, there are some general issues I wish to discuss in order of importance:

1. The principle of loving the person for who they are at their basic core. Unfortunately many "devout" members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints completely overlook this fact. Instead of reaching out with love and maintaining the same healthy relationship with the person in question, they instead react with disgust and isolation. This does two things: One, it teaches the person that they are no longer worth any time, consideration, or basic respect. And two, it creates a terrible image of Christianity that will make it difficult for that person to keep their faith at all. Perhaps this is why so many who have been treated this way turn to alcohol, sexual encounters, and other forms of self-abuse to try and "cover up" these hurt feelings.

2. The principle of knowing yourself well enough that you know what YOUR particular boundaries are. This is one of the most simple truths we can look at. If we don't approve of some particular action, there is nothing that says that WE have to participate in those actions simply because we don't condemn the people who are choosing to live their life a certain way. To each his own. Even in our closest relationships, it is impossible to truly know every single experience, hardship, miracle, or opinion that we each have individually. So don't put on the judge's robe; you do NOT have all the facts and you never will.

3. Take responsibility for your own actions. We are all human. We all screw up at some point or another. What defines what kind of a person we are is what we do when we make mistakes. If you have wronged or offended someone, remember that that person is a precious son or daughter of God, no matter what their appearance or lifestyle may be. This fact alone means that they deserve to be treated as a human being with feelings. That being said, however, you don't have to be a doormat either. If there is a person in your life that is hurting you, be honest with them and let them know what they are doing to you. Maybe they aren't even aware of what they are doing.

In short, constant readers, I beg and plead with you to think about what you do and say to those who may be struggling with their own testimony of a loving Heavenly Father and a Savior who died for all of us. All we can do is love them, let's leave the final judgement up to our everloving Father in Heaven. More to come...

Into the Light...

Dear friends and family who follow this blog: I have a wonderful experience to share and I've already shared it with many of you on Facebook. I don't why this experience happened to me at this stage in my life, but I am so grateful and feel so blessed that it did. Maybe Heavenly Father was so tired of seeing me so miserable more often than I was happy that he decided to intervene. Whatever the reason, my life has been changed. Ever since my falling away from the church when I had to leave BYU-Idaho, and even before then, I have struggled with feelings of self-loathing. Though I looked and acted confident on the outside, I really hated myself. I didn't see myself as being worth anyone's immediate attention, let alone worthy enough to deserve a beautiful eternal companion. My falling away from the truth only confirmed this. After I discovered that I was even more miserable trying to live outside of the gospel, I returned and went through the necessary steps of repentance. Though I eventually came back into fellowship with my ward and began serving in the church again, I still struggled with these feelings of not trusting myself and not believing 100% that Heavenly Father really loved me. After spending a hard first semester in Portland and returning home for a wonderful Christmas with my beloved family, it was time to return again to Portland where again I had no prospects for work or the means to support myself. I had less than 200 dollars to my name and I owed my roommate about 1,200 dollars in back rent and utility payments. Then on the Tuesday I got back from school I found out that my car was going to cost another 750 dollars to fix the rear brake pads and rotors. This forced me to open up another line of credit because I could not pay for the repairs any other way. Destitute, I was on the point of calling my mom and dad and informing them that I wanted to move home, quit school and find a job in the Boise area that was more permanent and steady than my crazy music career had ever been. For some reason, I fell on my knees instead. My prayer habits had been in great disrepair as of late, since I figured that Heavenly Father didn't really care all that much for me anyway, but this time I poured out my heart and soul. I cried uncontrollably while I was praying and was grateful later that my roommate Ryan was out of the apartment because I was being VERY vocal and VERY loud. I remember I kept on pleading and pleading with Heavenly Father to do SOMETHING to make it all okay, I didn't know what, but please do SOMETHING for me. When I got up, I had the very distinct impression that I needed to pay my roommate Ryan all the money that I owed him. Right then. In full. This scared me because as I said before, I only had about 200 dollars in my account and at that time I owed him about 1200 in total. Again, I had the impression, "You need to pay Ryan." So I smiled through my wet eyes and snotty nose and got out my checkbook. As I wrote those checks, I had a wonderful feeling come into my heart that if I try to put into words went something like this: "I love you so much. Do you have any idea how much I've missed you? I will always take care of you, all you have to do is come to me. You deserve a good life, enjoy life, don't be afraid of it." Since that day, a mighty change has come over me. The petty temptations that I have struggled with for so so long in my life are becoming less and less difficult to deal with. I finally have hope for the first time in a long time that someday I will marry a wonderful woman and be sealed in the temple, and most importantly, that someday I will be a father. I still have a long way to go, but I feel like I have overcome a very big obstacle in my life. Where there was darkness, my life is starting to let in a glorious light. I now have been praying twice a day at least, without fail, sometimes more if I need to ask for a certain blessing. But I have a strong testimony now that Heavenly Father really does KNOW US INDIVIDUALLY and that HE LOVES US SO MUCH! To end I write the verses of one of my favorite primary songs and testify to all those reading these words that this song is one of the most basic truths that is so important for us to understand. We are never alone, we just need to come to Him, He is waiting, with His arms stretched wide.

I am a child of God and He has sent me here,
has given me an earthly home, with parents kind and dear.

I am a child of God and so, my needs are great.
Help me to understand His words, before it grows too late.

I am a child of God. Rich blessings are in store.
If I but learn to do His will, I'll live with Him once more.

(and this is my favorite verse, though it is not often sung:)
I am a child of God. His promises are sure.
Celestial glory shall be mine, if I can but endure.

Lead me, guide me, walk beside me, help me find the way.
Teach me all that I must do to live with Him someday.


Don't give up. You are loved. :) More to come...

New Year's Reflections 2012

Happy 2012 everyone! It's been a wonderful 365 days for me and I hope it has been for you too. I continue to be amazed at the way life keeps on teaching me things. Just when I think I have a handle on my life I find new and unexpected surprises along the way. I love the fact that I can keep on learning and growing in new and exciting ways each year. So to recap 2011 here are the breakdown of months and what I got to do:

January: Sang my first title role in USU's production of Giulio Cesare, and was able to start serving in my student ward in a calling again. :)
February: Managed to make it through Valentine's Day without massacre-ing anyone, thanks to some wonderful friends in Logan.
March: Had a fun St. Paddy's day and made it through the evil Logan weather.
April: Lots of singing! Sang the role of Papageno in USU's production of The Magic Flute and sang with the Chamber Singers in a concert of 70's music. Groovy!
May: Presented my senior recital "Portrait of the Musician as a Young Man" and graduated with my Bachelor's in Vocal Performance from USU. Yay!
June: Began my second summer with Utah Festival Opera, rehearsing for five shows.
July: Performed with UFO and competed in the Michael Ballam Concorso Lirico Vocal Competition.
August: Was the best man for my brother Wyn's wedding to Andrea Decker and moved to Portland, Oregon to start my new life as a Master's student at Portland State University.
September: Learned lots of lessons in humility while searching for a job in the Portland area.
November: Sang for the Royal Rosarian's Centennial Celebration in Portland and had an awesome Thanksgiving with my whole family.
December: Performed as Zurga in two scenes from Bizet's The Pearl Fishers at PSU and was assigned the role of Le Marquis de la Force in PSU's upcoming production of Dialogues of the Carmelites before going home to a wonderful Christmas and New Year's with family.

It's the little things in life that make it worth living. May you all have a happy and blessed year this year and let us all remember the reason why we are all here in the first place. As the motto from my mission (The Great Florida Ft. Lauderdale Mission) states: Obedience is the price, faith is the motive, the Spirit is the key, and Christ is the reason. Obedience rules the Spirit, and the Spirit rules the work. As we work to better ourselves each day, I hope we can all remember to be like Christ while doing so and most importantly FIND JOY IN THE JOURNEY. Life is to enjoy, so let's do so in 2012! More to come...

Where does the time go?!

Hello everyone. I have not written in a long time, and for that, I apologize. I will try to be better. My life is fantastic as of late and I really am having a great time. I am now living in Portland, in a beautiful condo with an awesome roommate who is not just studying to be a doctor, but who is an ACTUAL doctor, like an actual MD. It's fun living in a more grown-up place. Portland Oregon may also be one of the most beautiful places to live in the whole world. It is so lush and green and full of creative energy. Everyone here is very artistically minded and I love the atmosphere. I am the organist in the ward I am attending and having a great time getting to know some new friends here and there. I've started a new blog (check it out at operawithmax.blogspot.com) and I am still progressing towards receiving my Master's degree. I am a lucky man to have all these blessings in my life and they just keep getting better and better. More to come...

Hold please...

Hello again. After much time has yet again passed from my last entry in my personal blog, I shall here make another effort to illustrate my life for those who find it interesting. I am having a great second season with UFOMT (formerly Utah Festival Opera) and am grateful for the blessings I currently enjoy in my life. However, I am worried. When will I actually begin to know where my life is going to go from hereon out? The other day I received a disturbing email saying that my diploma is being held because the university thinks I owe it $1,000, which is not true or accurate by even the farthest stretch of financial reasoning. Also, I have no idea where I am going to live, work or how I'm going to be able to support myself in the next phase of my life. I know that all things are supposed to be in the Lord's time and I need some help here. I am slowly learning that I need to depend more on my Heavenly Father to guide me because I sure as heck have no idea how it will all work out in the end. And that scares me a little, because I am so used to doing everything by myself. All I can do is pray and wait for some inspiration because it seems like everything I've tried to do on my own has been wrong. When will my life actually begin to make sense? Not sure but still holding on to my optimism. More to come...

Reflections on Graduation!

I have three very important words to say: I DID IT! The light at the end of the tunnel has finally been reached and I have completed everything I needed to to receive my Bachelor's Degree in Vocal Performance. What makes it feel even better is that I literally had the week from hell during finals and accomplished a great many things including singing a fantastically successful senior recital, which I am actually planning on posting up on YouTube soon. Now all I have to look forward to is a great season with Utah Festival Opera and Musical Theater with some of my best friends and saving up for the big move to Portland in September to start my Master's Degree. It is a very exciting time in my life. I'm so grateful for the wonderful experience that Utah State has been for me and look forward to doing great things in my career as a musician. This is the first step on a long journey, but I am finally learning to enjoy where I am at instead of always dreaming of things to come. More updates coming soon...

Confessions of a doormat...

Blogs can be very therapeutic. In a way, it's almost like holding a mirror in front of your life so you can observe from a logical standpoint all the thoughts that are constantly swimming around in your head like fish in a bowl. At the present, there are many things in my life that are going very well. I'm back in full fellowship in the church, still not able to go to the temple or use my priesthood, but now I have a calling as a ward organist and am able to pay tithing, go home teaching and fully contribute as a member of the ward. I had a successful audition for grad school at Portland State University and have another one coming up at Florida State University. I sang a successful production of "Giulio Cesare" (my first time in a title role, exciting!) and I finally have a new computer, courtesy of my wonderful amazing daddy. Hey I do have a lot to be thankful for! However, I do wish to get out a few things that have been bothering me. Lately, I've felt that even though I am constantly in the spotlight as an example in the department to all my friends and peers, there doesn't seem to be anyone in my life right now that has stopped to ask the question: Max, what do you need? How can I help? How can I make you feel appreciated and needed?
Now, you're probably thinking: He's completely nuts. He's got scholarship money, gets all the lead roles, and has lots of friends and is getting a good education. It's not something that I can fully explain. But all I can say is, it's hard being Max Moreno. It's difficult going around and fixing everyone else's problems. This is so strange, but lately I get the feeling that although I am recognized for what I can do musically, that I don't feel recognized as a person. Just because I am able to give out sarcastic remarks and witty observations, does not mean I am totally devoid of feeling. The truth is, when I'm with my friends, a lot of times I feel like I just fade into the background. And what's scary is I'm not sure what to do about it. There's a certain friend in particular that I wish I could say this to, but I don't want to give him another thing to worry about. And I'm not even that worried about it myself, it just kind of bothers me, sort of like the wart on my right thumb. It's not something that's pleasant, but it doesn't inhibit me from doing my daily duties either. It would just be nice to have someone tell me that my opinion matters, that even though I am older than the general populace at Utah State, I know a lot about life. I just need someone to reaffirm this to me. And that's what I hate most of all, because I don't like it when people ask me to do the same thing for them. This post is too long and I don't know how else to phrase this. More to come...

What Are You Doing New Year's Eve?....

Hello again, constant reader. It is now the end of December, Christmas has come and gone and we are now facing a new year yet again. Lots of things have happened, let's start from where we left off. My last twitterpated post was funny to me, since really not much has progressed in that relationship very much, but we seem to like each other and she has agreed to another date with me (this would make #4) so I think it's safe to say she is interested and I will see where it goes. The semester at school was wonderful, I've made and forged some lasting friendships with some incredible peers who make me glad to be alive. I played Keyboard 2 in the pit orchestra of Seussical the Musical, in which my ridiculously talented little bro played the lead role of Horton the Elephant. He actually made us all cry, he was so touching. I also got 3 leads in the next 3 operas: Cesare in "Giulio Cesare", Papageno in "The Magic Flute", and The Representative in "A Game of Chance". I'll be doing these in January, February, and April. My senior recital will also be in April. I sang my junior recital in November along with my good friend Kevin Diehl. We had a terrific time and everyone was pleased with our performance. My birthday was fantastic this year, despite the fact that I am now 27 in a culture that considers such an age to be a sign of either insanity or extreme personality flaws. But I digress. I went to a great birthday dinner at Olive Garden with a small group of my closest friends and afterwards we all went to see an awesome production of "A Midsummer Night's Dream" on the USU Campus for free. After some successful choir concerts and a few finals which I actually did quite well on, I traveled back to Kuna for "a fun old-fashioned family Christmas" (to quote Clark Griswold), where I am now writing this entry on my parent's trusty Dell desktop. But my biggest accomplishment is that I will finally be able to participate fully in my ward and receive a calling. I am most excited for this. As I reflect on this last year and prepare for a new one, I can't help but feel great about all that has happened in 2010. My bishop advised me in our last meeting to write down each day in my journal the ways that my Heavenly Father has blessed me that particular day, even if they seem trivial. Since doing that, it is remarkable the way my attitude has changed. I can only hope that this trend continues in 2011. Next on the agenda, New Year's Eve bash at the Rose's with all the cousins and Mom's family. Can't wait! More to come...

That Old Feeling...

Every now and then, I am reminded that I am a typical man in many aspects, though my choice of career seems to dictate otherwise to the cynical world that demands that anyone with any degree of masculinity should not be pursuing a career in the arts. Tonight was one such moment. Have you ever felt just absolutely twitterpated and lovesick just being around someone you don't know very well? You should know, constant reader, that I don't very often. But I did tonight. Now comes the fun part of finding out where my feelings will take me. I actually felt my heart leap a few times as I stared at the object of my newfound affection and quite frankly, it felt really good, especially since I kind of get the feeling that she may feel the same way about me. Hopefully, if this is true, we will be seeing a lot more of each other. But even if it's not, it's still fun to find out isn't it? Okay, so now you're probably thinking "Where the hell is he going with this?". The answer is, "Really nowhere. But it's just nice to put positive feelings on the page instead of venting negative ones sometimes." More to come...hopefully! :D.......

Time marches on...

Hello again, constant reader (whoever you are). In my usual craze that is my life, I have once again failed to keep my blog updated as much as I would prefer. I am now knee-deep in rehearsals with the Utah Festival Opera Company, which is just as rewarding and fun as I imagined it would be. I am currently cast in four shows: The Barber of Seville, La Traviata, Guys and Dolls, and George M! (the latter being presented as a radio drama with black binders and minimal costuming from the 1930s'-40's era). So now I am musing on what I should write about besides my usual thoughts about music, family, friends, but ironically can't come up with anything "better". I suppose this is what is important in my life and I'm really okay with that. I have been thinking a lot about my Daddy lately, seeing as how it's almost Father's Day and also his birthday in about a month. I know I say this a lot in these entries, but I am truly blessed to have a family as great and non-dysfunctional as mine. They are my whole life and I'm grateful that they feel the same way. The only thing I am not particularly enjoying as of late is my new ward. They have combined 4 different student wards into one, huge, "conglomerate" ward and it doesn't really make it convenient to get into see your bishop, especially when your daily schedule isn't known until the night before basically. But I digress...
So in short, a happy entry. Things in summertime Logan are going smoothly thus far and I am strapped for cash, but not starving. More to come...

Musical Schizophrenia...

Often, I refer to myself as a musical schizophrenic, simply because I love both listening to and actively participating in many different musical genres and styles. However, I don't think I've EVER been this actively involved in so many drastically contrasting projects at one time before...and quite frankly, I'm really enjoying myself. I finally feel like I am blossoming into the type of performer that can put on different hats with ease and not miss a beat. And that feels really really good. Not to brag, but here is a list of all the musical projects I have either accomplished already this semester or have coming up:

1. Was the Co-Stage Manager/Supertitle Technician for the January Operas.
2. Became the bass of a VERY successful barbershop quartet, The A-Chords, and made a butt load of money off of some sweet Singing Valentine gigs, also receiving an invitation to be featured in the upcoming USU Women's Choir concert in April.
3. At the request of Drs. Cory Evans and Craig Jessop, became the bass in USU's new vocal jazz quartet, Serenade in Blue Singers.
4. Was assigned the role of Marco in USU's upcoming production of Gianni Schicchi at the Caine Lyric Theatre in April.
5. This past weekend, I have been finishing up recording a fantastic new album featuring the beautiful music of Daniel Gawthrop as a member of USU's Chamber Singers.
6. Signed up with USU's Opera Theatre Director to travel to Guatemala and El Salvador in May for a series of concerts and master classes.
7. Received a scholarship to sing with the Utah Festival Opera for their Summer 2010 season in three shows: La Traviata, Barber of Seville, and Guys and Dolls.
8. Never felt better about my own personal progress in my voice lessons and I'm loving what my voice is turning into.
9. I'm accompanying for my friend Bridgette's junior recital in March.
10. I'm currently in the process of organizing musical ideas for my very first opera, which if successful, I hope to have at least halfway done by this time next year.

Life is good, music is essential, and I am one happy camper. Bring on the challenges, I'll knock them all down one by one, HUZZAH!!! More to come...

The Balance of Faith and Fear

I am the very first to admit that I am terrible about keeping my blog up to date. Since I haven't written anything since October, I felt it prudent to continue with my entries as much as possible.
Today in church my brother and I attended a wonderful Sunday School lesson. The kind that you always wish you could have every week instead of having a lesson read out of the manual with no spiritual connotations whatsoever. This guy knew his stuff, but not in an overly prideful way at all. He has the rare gift of being able to allow the discussion in the class go where it will be the most relevant to each class member without letting it get completely out of control.
Anyway, he brought up a point that really made me think: all the decisions, and consequently, actions that we make in our lives are a direct result of either faith or fear. There is no middle ground. (Though many times we'd like to think there is.) As I pondered about that, I wondered how many times in my life I had chosen a certain path out of fear instead of faith. I know I'm mostly talking to myself out loud but I thought that it was something worth recording here. I'm not sure why. I hope that in the past year I've been able to make more of a conscious effort to let faith dictate my life. The future is bright if we're looking for the light, but if we look for the darkness we'll find that we're already surrounded in it. More to come...

A Favorite Subject...

So this blog was created initially to record my thoughts and inspirations. Basically a diary into my life that I would be comfortable sharing with others who stumble upon it. Me being the disorganized person that I am, I don't usually write an entry in it unless something absolutely amazing and spiritual happens to me. Tonight was the 3rd show of Sweeney Todd here on the USU Campus. My friends Alan and Elise drove all the way down from Rexburg today just to see me in the show and then drove all the way back. As I was contemplating on that single action, (at two o clock in the morning), I had a wonderful manifestation of the Holy Spirit of the Lord that was something like this: "They drove here to see you because they love you." It literally made me cry. I am so incredibly blessed to have friends who care that much that they would be willing to drive 2 1/2 hours to come see me for less than about 30 minutes total. The tender mercies of the Lord do exist and my whole entire life is a testimony to that. I don't know what I would do without the special people in my life like Alan, Elise, my family, and my other friends and extended family. They're what keep me going. Truly, "what greater gift [can God] bestow, what greater goodness can we know, than Christlike friends, whose gentle ways, strengthen our faith, enrich our days." For those of you who this message is about, thank you. More to come...